{"id":84949,"date":"2022-08-31T07:50:38","date_gmt":"2022-08-31T14:50:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.betterworks.com\/?p=84949"},"modified":"2023-02-22T09:57:17","modified_gmt":"2023-02-22T17:57:17","slug":"jason-lauritsen-work-as-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.betterworks.com\/magazine\/jason-lauritsen-work-as-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"Jason Lauritsen, on why work is a relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"

People go to work because they have bills to pay. But for many employees, their job is also where they form deep connections with the work and their co-workers.<\/p>\n

\u201cWork is about a whole lot more than a paycheck for employees,\u201d\u00a0Cultivayo<\/a><\/span>\u00a0CEO Jason Lauritsen<\/a><\/span>\u00a0shared during his Betterworks webinar, \u201cWhy Your Employees Keep Breaking Up With You \u2014 and How to Stop It.\u201d<\/a><\/span>\u00a0\u201cIn fact, I would argue that work is a relationship.\u201d<\/p>\n

We\u2019ve traditionally treated work as a contract, Lauritsen said, with managers only really paying attention to employees when they fail to deliver. But that\u2019s not how employees perceive things.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhether we are showing up that way or not, it\u2019s a relationship for the employee,\u201d Lauritsen said. \u201cIf we want our people to stop breaking up with us and moving on, then we\u2019ve got to start doing a much better job of treating work like a relationship.\u201d<\/p>\n

How can organizations help managers implement this approach in the flow of work? Lauritsen laid out six components of a healthy relationship and how to incorporate those elements into your day-to-day work.<\/p>\n

Show appreciation<\/h2>\n

Traditional performance management tells us to spend our time with high and low performers. Meanwhile, most employees who fall in the middle rarely feel acknowledged. \u201cThey meet expectations, doing exactly what they\u2019re paid to do. And then they log off, and they feel like nobody even noticed they were there,\u201d Lauritsen said. \u201cThis day-to-day reality is crushing.\u201d<\/p>\n

To show appreciation to the entire workforce, especially those who have traditionally been neglected, \u201cwe have to be in the business of creating more positive moments,\u201d Lauritsen said. You don\u2019t have to invest in big gestures to make a big difference. Something as simple as giving someone a high-five can be meaningful and show recognition of that person\u2019s effort. The goal is to show people that you see and value them.<\/p>\n

Add time for shoutouts during meetings to incorporate recognition at the team level. Having leaders recognize employees and employees recognize each other can drive greater feelings of appreciation.<\/p>\n

Build a culture of acceptance<\/h2>\n

You can be yourself around your best friends because you know they accept you for who you are. \u201cIf we are to create a work experience that feels like a really healthy relationship \u2026 we have to create an experience where people feel as if they are welcomed \u2014 that they belong \u2014 for who they really are,\u201d Lauritsen said. The point of relationships is to feel connected.<\/p>\n

Finding commonalities \u2014 or overlap \u2014 between individuals in the workplace is the first step. \u201cOverlap is what we need in a relationship for us to feel like we really belong,\u201d Lauritsen said.<\/p>\n

Employers can create overlap among employees by facilitating dialogue around shared experiences and interests.<\/p>\n

One of the benefits of the pandemic, Lauritsen said, is being able to see employees in their home environments: their pets, their hobbies, and other features that created an overlap. Meetings offer an excellent opportunity to help people get to know each other better<\/a>. Consider asking a \u201cquestion of the day\u201d unrelated to work, for instance.<\/p>\n

Communicate with clarity<\/h2>\n

Has your boss ever called for a meeting at the end of the day? Has your child\u2019s school asked you to call back when you could? Your first thought was probably that there\u2019s trouble brewing. Messages with no context typically take us to a negative place.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen in doubt, we assume the worst,\u201d Lauritsen said. \u201cBecause we assume the worst, uncertainty can kill relationships.\u201d<\/p>\n

The goal of good communication is to reduce uncertainty. \u201cHow do we create greater clarity for our employees about all of the aspects of their experience?\u201d Lauritsen said. \u201cHow do we create a mechanism so that, if they are not clear, they know how to get clarity?\u201d<\/p>\n

The most crucial step toward creating greater clarity is to build a habit of asking yourself, \u201cHow can I reduce the amount of uncertainty that my employees are dealing with today?\u201d<\/p>\n

Lauritsen suggests managers schedule regular one-on-ones to promote clear communications.<\/p>\n

Provide support<\/h2>\n

Employees need to feel supported by their employers and their colleagues. \u201cWhen we feel like we have support in a relationship of any kind, that feels good,\u201d Lauritsen said. \u201cWhen we feel unsupported, that\u2019s when we break up, that\u2019s when we leave.\u201d<\/p>\n

Being supportive isn\u2019t necessarily easy to do. \u201cOftentimes, we overestimate how supportive we are,\u201d Lauritsen said. We tend to be judgmental and make assumptions about someone\u2019s intentions or work ethic. But when someone is struggling, they need help, not judgment.<\/p>\n

It should be easy for employees to ask for and find help, Lauritsen says. Because we\u2019re not all naturally tuned in to being supportive, formal mechanisms and channels\u00a0can make it easier for employees to raise concerns and ask for help. Tools like Betterworks empower employees with the opportunity to flag problems in real-time. And with these incidents recorded in the software, managers and employees can address issues in upcoming check-ins.<\/p>\n

Reinforce your commitment<\/h2>\n

Commitment is just as important in work relationships as in personal relationships. There are two types of commitment, Lauritsen said.<\/p>\n

The first, reciprocity, refers to mutual commitment and shared accountability. But that accountability sometimes is one way.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe do a pretty good job of making sure employees understand what we expect of them, but I don\u2019t think it\u2019s always so clear what they should expect of us and how they should hold us accountable,\u201d Lauritsen said. Many employees can only hold employers accountable by leaving the company.<\/p>\n

The second piece of commitment is to repair. When we make mistakes, we have to learn to prioritize the relationship. That means we must get to that repair stage quickly by apologizing or forgiving quickly and moving on.<\/p>\n

\u201cStructurally, if you want to foster commitment, to make work feel more like a relationship, think about how to use more team-based goals and objectives,\u201d Lauritsen said. Alignment between employees\u2019 goals can help them see that they\u2019re working together toward a shared objective, not in competition with each other.<\/p>\n

Give employees the gift of time<\/h2>\n

How do you know someone loves you? Lauritsen once posed this question to his daughter when she was seven years old. Her response: They spend time together. Time is the currency of relationships, personal and professional.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you want to know what somebody values, look at how they spend their time,\u201d Lauritsen said.<\/p>\n

Time helps build positive work relationships in two ways: Putting time into our relationships and giving back time to employees. \u201cIf we want to keep people, if we want people to stop breaking up with us and going in search of better relationships, then we have got to make connection part of the work,\u201d Lauritsen said. He suggests that companies create space \u2014 whether virtually or in-person \u2014 to connect.<\/p>\n

Make connection part of the work because, in many ways, making that connection is<\/span>\u00a0the work.<\/p>\n

Bring everything together through check-ins<\/h2>\n

Check-ins are the single most important tool for reinforcing positive relationships in the workplace.<\/p>\n

\u201cA well-executed check-in conversation is how you have the conversation that matters with the people that matter,\u201d Lauritsen said.<\/p>\n

What goes into a well-executed check-in conversation? Start with a question that elicits a meaningful response. Don\u2019t just ask, \u201cHow are you?\u201d Lauritsen said. Get specific by asking how someone is doing on a scale of 1-10. Ask a follow-up question based on their response. Listen to what\u2019s being said and to what\u2019s not being said.<\/p>\n

Celebrate what\u2019s going well, Lauritsen said, and demonstrate support and encouragement for what\u2019s not \u2014 and ask how you can help.<\/p>\n

When we teach managers and leaders how to do check-ins properly, they can get to the heart of what matters.<\/p>\n

Treating work like a relationship can be transformative for the organization. \u201cThe days of treating [work] like a contract are over and gone,\u201d Lauritsen said. \u201cOur employees are saying, \u2018I demand more. I demand better. And if you\u2019re not going treat me better, I will go find somebody that will.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Prioritize the six elements of a healthy relationship in your workplace to make work better for everyone.<\/p>\n

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